I always thought first love was overrated. But life is funny. It takes pleasure in proving us wrong, doesn’t it?
One day, when I'll be old and tired of my little adventures, sitting near the window reading Harry Potter, or writing about all the people I’ve loved, some troubled adolescent will come to me and ask me about my first love. And I’d be so, so proud to talk about it.
Our first love never leaves us. It always keeps coming back to us. I’m not saying it’s impossible to move on. Moving on and forgetting are two different things. But something will always bring me back to it. He’ll be my biggest ‘what if?’ The memories of being braver than ever and holding on will never leave me. I’ll never forget how my heart told me it was just the right thing to do, letting him know. How I had to remind myself every time to look away from the chain hanging at the back of his neck, peeping from under the collar. How every nerve in my body controlled my hands from moving in his hair. How I could feel the heat of his presence whenever I passed him in the corridors. How he grinned at me that day after lectures. How his feet felt above mine. How his intense eyes made me want to hide myself, but yet made me want to stare into them for ever. How his cheekbones showed distinctly when he blushed as I entered the classroom that day. How he smiled showing those perfect teeth. How he tried to get back to me after we thought it ended, but never could do it… and how that last goodbye sealed everything in my memory. It meant that this relationship won’t end with fights or tears. It’ll end with a smile.
He made sure the memories never died.
One day, when I'll be old and tired of my little adventures, sitting near the window reading Harry Potter, or writing about all the people I’ve loved, some troubled adolescent will come to me and ask me about my first love. And I’d be so, so proud to talk about it.
Our first love never leaves us. It always keeps coming back to us. I’m not saying it’s impossible to move on. Moving on and forgetting are two different things. But something will always bring me back to it. He’ll be my biggest ‘what if?’ The memories of being braver than ever and holding on will never leave me. I’ll never forget how my heart told me it was just the right thing to do, letting him know. How I had to remind myself every time to look away from the chain hanging at the back of his neck, peeping from under the collar. How every nerve in my body controlled my hands from moving in his hair. How I could feel the heat of his presence whenever I passed him in the corridors. How he grinned at me that day after lectures. How his feet felt above mine. How his intense eyes made me want to hide myself, but yet made me want to stare into them for ever. How his cheekbones showed distinctly when he blushed as I entered the classroom that day. How he smiled showing those perfect teeth. How he tried to get back to me after we thought it ended, but never could do it… and how that last goodbye sealed everything in my memory. It meant that this relationship won’t end with fights or tears. It’ll end with a smile.
He made sure the memories never died.
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